If you’ve ever been in a relationship with an INTJ, you may have experienced their infamous “doorslam.” Known for their analytical and independent nature, INTJs can be prone to abruptly cutting off communication and closing themselves off from people they feel have betrayed or disappointed them.
But what exactly is an “INTJ doorslam” and why do INTJs feel the need to do it? In this article, we’ll delve deeper into this behavior and explore some common questions about it.
What is an INTJ Doorslam?
The phrase “doorslam” is often used to describe the INTJ’s tendency to cut off communication and emotionally distance themselves from someone they feel has wronged them. This can manifest in different ways, depending on the situation and the individual INTJ.
Some INTJs might simply stop responding to messages or calls from the person they’ve doorslammed, while others may actively avoid them in social situations or cut them off entirely from their life. The doorslam can be triggered by a range of actions, such as lying, betrayal, disrespect, or failure to meet the INTJ’s expectations.
Why do INTJs Doorslam?
The doorslam behavior is often seen as a defense mechanism that INTJs use to protect themselves emotionally. Because they tend to invest deeply in their relationships and take their commitments seriously, when someone they care about falls short of their expectations, they can feel betrayed or hurt.
Rather than confront their feelings or engage in conflict, INTJs may instead choose to shut down communication and distance themselves. Doing so is a way for them to regain a sense of emotional control and prevent further potential emotional harm.
This isn’t to say that INTJs are incapable of forgiveness or understanding. However, they need time and space to process their feelings and may be slow to trust again after a doorslam.
How Does the Doorslam Affect INTJs?
While the doorslam can be an effective coping mechanism for INTJs, it can also have negative effects on their mental health and relationships. Bottling up their emotions or avoiding conflict can lead to feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression.
The doorslam can also strain relationships, particularly if the INTJ refuses to engage in open communication about what led to the doorslam. This lack of transparency can make it difficult for the other person to understand the INTJ’s perspective or work towards resolution.
FAQs
Q: Is the doorslam specific to INTJs or do other personality types use this coping mechanism?
A: While the doorslam behavior is most commonly associated with INTJs, other personality types may also use this coping mechanism in their relationships.
Q: Can the doorslam be overcome or prevented?
A: The doorslam can be difficult to overcome, particularly if the INTJ feels deeply hurt or betrayed. However, open and honest communication can help prevent miscommunication and misunderstandings that could lead to a doorslam. If a doorslam does occur, it’s important for the other person to respect the INTJ’s need for space and allow them time to process their feelings.
Q: What should someone do if they believe they’ve been doorslammed by an INTJ?
A: If you believe you’ve been doorslammed by an INTJ, it’s important to respect their boundaries and give them space. Avoid bombarding them with messages or trying to force them to talk about the situation before they’re ready. If the relationship is important to you, it may be worth reaching out after some time has passed in order to attempt to open up lines of communication and work towards resolution.
In conclusion, the INTJ doorslam is a unique personality trait that can be effective in protecting the emotional well-being of INTJs. However, it’s important for INTJs to recognize the potential negative effects of this behavior and work towards open and honest communication in their relationships. For those in relationships with INTJs, understanding the doorslam and respecting the INTJ’s boundaries can help maintain a positive and healthy dynamic.